Saturday, June 2, 2012

ZOMBIEWATCH 2012: The Government's Centers For Disease Control Officially Denies The Existence Of Zombies

In response to the gruesome face-eating attack in Miami earlier this week and other incidents of cannibalism, the government's Centers for Disease Control has issued an official statement denying the existence of zombies.

According to a Huffington Post report, CDC spokesman David Daigle set the record straight. "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)."

The face-eating arrest is hardly the only recent zombie-like attack to raise eyebrows. In Canada, Luka Rocco Magnotta, a porn actor, murdered another man with an ice pick before eating the corpse. And a 21-year-old in Maryland has admitted to dismembering his roommate, before eating his heart and brain.

Elsewhere, Gawker reports that health officials and hazmat teams have been unable to identify the source of a "mysterious rash" that has broken out across parts of Florida. In one incident, 41-year-old Zachary Bird went on a rampage after being pulled over. He spit blood into a trooper's eyes and banged his head on the cop's car several times. His demeanor was described as "extremely agitated and enraged."

The CDC report should be comforting for some. The recent attacks have prompted a wave of interest in zombies and as of this writing, "zombie apocalypse" ranks as the third most popular search term on Google.

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