Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Here Are Peyton Manning’s Funniest Off-Field Moments

UPROXX: Today marks the 39th birthday of Peyton Manning, America’s favorite quarterback and goofy athlete pitchman. During his career — which the Broncos announced earlier this month will include at least one more season — Manning has thrown for 69,691 yards and 530 touchdowns while showing off his comedic chops in ads for DirectTV, Mastercard, and Oreo, as well as numerous talk show and awards show appearances, a cameo on The Simpsons and Saturday Night Live. Here now is a look at some of Manning’s funniest pop culture moments.

Peyton Manning: Role Model

In this Saturday Night Live spoof of the NFL’s United Way commercials, Manning pelts small children with a football, forces them to get leg tats, tries to steal a car, and teaches them a vital lesson about never snitching.

Cut That Meat!

In this early Mastercard commercial, Manning roots on the little people that inspire him. Namely a guy who works at a deli counter and an accountant whose high-five Manning will always appreciate.

The Darkside

The fine folks at the ESPY’s inserted Manning and a Misery vibe into The Blindside with Sandra Bullock and the results were pretty amazing. Especially Manning’s panicked phone call to Eli from behind the couch.

Ron Burgundy vs. Peyton Manning

Manning may be able to stand tall in the pocket and never get rattled, but in a wild ESPN interview with Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) that jumped from Merlin Olsen to Eli Manning’s crude attempts at facial hair, Manning couldn’t help but crack early and often. QB1 gets points for throwing a Talladega Nights “Magic Man” reference at Ferrell in the waning moments of their chat, though.

Manning’s Late Show QB Challenge Appearances

Manning made his debut on The Late Show with David Letterman while still in college at Tennessee and Letterman introduced him to the “Late Night QB Challenge”, wherein Manning and Letterman tried to toss a football across the street through an open theater window.

Manning returned to Letterman more recently to compete again, though the challenge was a little harder and he bricked while trying to throw the ball through the window of a speeding cab. The results were better after that with two slower cars, but I’m pretty sure that 1998 Manning would have had a perfect score.

Welcome to Bro-Town, USA

In the season 21 episode of The Simpsons, “O Brother Where Bart Thou”, Peyton and his brothers Cooper and facial contortionist/prankster Eli join the Marx Brothers, The Blues Brothers, and The Smothers Brothers in Bro-Town during a dream sequence to show Bart Simpson how rad it is to have a brother.

Double Stuff Racing League

He’s been pushing off the inevitable for years thanks to his unprecedented display of old man Quarterback skills, but now that he’s 39, one has to assume that there aren’t a lot of seasons left in Manning’s arm. Will he consider a return to the DSRL immediately after he retire, or is he going to wait for Eli?

Football on Your Phone

The Peyton/Eli team-up magic extends to their DirectTV ads. Here, Archie Manning’s boys put on ridiculous wigs and bling it up to rap about watching football on a cell phone. This was one of two Manning Bros. rap videos. The second one is a little more low-key as the guys chill in the backyard with a few friends, tossing sub sandwiches around while talking about a Fantasy Football channel. That is until Eli flies up into space and bumps into spaceman Archie and Peyton, whose face is on the moon. It’s inspired.

Football Cops

Direct TV went a bit darker in this ad that cast Peyton as mustachioed Officer Mike Tahoe and Eli as CJ Hunter. In the commercial, Eli kills a guy with a spiraled football to the chest, the brothers beat a suspect, and Peyton lights a dude on fire with a long distance bomb.

Peyton Manning: Lord of the Dance

Once again, those who sleep on Peyton’s obvious grace and capacity for fluid movement should be embarrassed after watching this Vine of Manning dancing his ass off. Hopefully Peyton is celebrating his 39th birthday right now in much the same fashion as he is this video. And hopefully Wes Welker is there as well, stomping in the background.

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