Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Bill Burr Says Kevin Love’s Injury Is The Cavs’ Fault For Not Dunking (He’s Joking)

VIA: Bill Burr has made a niche for himself as a comedian in the mold of a wise guy, a fully self-aware Masshole who can spout provincial or regressive opinions that would anger many of us if he didn’t do it more intelligently and cleverly than random shmucks from South Boston. Also, being a comedian, he tends to be far less sensitive and defensive when the bile comes right back at him. That’s part of why we like him so much.

And of course, as one of the more visible Boston sports fans in pop culture — not to mention one with a podcast — he was going to weigh in on the Kevin Love/Kelly Olynyk situation. He gets into it at about the 14:15 mark of his Monday Morning Podcast from this week (language NSFW).

His stance is a classic caricature of your garden-variety Boston sports homer. Here’s his opening salvo:

That fucking Kevin Love injures his shoulder, you know, and then he turns around and he blames sweet, innocent, beautiful-flowing-hippie-hair… what is it, Kelly O-lee-nik? That how you say his name? How dare he suggest that that was a dirty play.

I don’t know if it was on purpose, but Burr’s glowing compliments paid to a player whose name he can’t pronounce will ring very true to anyone who hates him or herself enough to listen to sports talk radio. The prize line comes soon after, however.

The ball goes up, hits the rim, okay? Now, right out of the gate, it’s already the Cavaliers’ fault. ‘Cause if that f**king jerkoff who took the shot hit the shot, there was no way that Kelly would have been concerned about the left arm of Kevin Love [chuckles], and felt the need to cradle it within his body, and then turn to the side and spoon with it. Had the Cavaliers, whoever the fuck it was… I mean, you’ve got LeBron, why don’t you just have him go in and dunk on everybody?

That’s an excellent point, Bill. I’ve never seen a more lackadaisical 27-point, 9-rebound and 7-assist per game performance in a playoff series. For real though, LeBron was not operating at full capacity, nor should he have — they still swept the Celtics without him giving his all.

Now that Kevin Love might be out for the rest of the playoffs, it’s good that LeBron saved his legs when he did. Because he totally could have dunked on the Celtics, who were one of the most undersized teams I’ve ever seen in the playoffs. That matchup more closely resembled a game from the early rounds of the NCAA Tournament than a series at the highest level of professional basketball. And to think that the Miami Heat couldn’t even make the playoffs. Embarrassing.

If that was a little to troll-y, it’s only because I just listened to Bill Burr. My apologies.

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